Lessons from the weekend 4-21-12

I just returned from four days away with my family and friends.  I spent two days with my mother and the other two days at my camper beside the river for it was opening of fishing season.  I love this weekend in April not simply for the good memories of fishing with my father on opening day, but for the celebration of new life, which is so abundant this time of year.  As I reflect on the weekend I find some lessons I learned from it.

From the front of my camper on Saturday I had the pleasure of watching a father fishing with his daughter.  It reminded me greatly of the times I went with my dad.  Reflecting on this I discover, my heavenly Father wants to go fishing with me even more so than my earthly father did.  There are many lessons to be learned when sitting beside a stream fishing, but that dissertation is for another time.  But knowing the Father wants to fish with me and teach me is some thing I want to make time for, HE provides the bait and tackle; I need to give HIM the time.

Secondly, in church the sermon was on feeding the five thousand in Luke 9 and John 6.  The preacher wondered (paraphrased) if the disciples, who were simply living their lives, had any idea that two thousand years later the church would look like it does today?  What struck me was of does anyone ever know what one action will yield in the future?  I am guilty of looking simply at the impact my life makes in my lifetime, but GOD sees way beyond my short span of time on earth.  The actions I take now, the way I live my life now will have impact beyond the here and now.  On Saturday evening my entire family gathered at a benefit dinner to assist sending a teenager from my mother’s church to Haiti on a short-term mission trip.  As we sat at the table all 12 of us, with our mother at the end it was impressive to see 4 generations gathered in support.  I only pray the younger children will be as impacted as much as I was with this. 

Lastly, as many know I just bought a new Android phone.  This weekend I was able to download two very cool applications, the first was three versions of the Bible and the second was a “Google Sky Map.”  As I was in awe with both (and tickled like a kid) I realized on my phone were the words of THE ONE who named the stars I was able to now look at and identify.

I think, if I were to summarize this post I would have to say, take time with those you love and who love you for you never know what seemingly insignificant occasion (fishing with your children or gathering for a meal) will spur something much larger in the future, which you may never see.  Take time to look in awe at the stars and be with the one who calls them by name.  As spring flows into summer I hope to spend time fishing and looking at the stars; honoring both my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father.

Breaking fallow ground

I don’t even really know how to start this post.  I have been challenged this weekend by what I can only call a consistent message.  Have you ever had those times when you perceive almost everything you hear as a consistent message including the secular?  As many know and will attest to I struggle with writing; songwriting and literary.  When something stirs me, I write; when not stirred I go about life as normal.  But I struggle with consistency and discipline when it comes to this craft. 

I attended a Christian writer’s group on Saturday.  A wonderful time of meeting with others who have a penchant toward writing.  The lesson for the day was on character development, which started with a review of personality types.  Oh was I conflicted when trying to “nail down” what my personality type was.  The teacher spoke about what comes naturally to you as being the litmus test for your personality.  I shared a piece of my writing, which was well received as evidenced by comments from others.  Move to Sunday service.  At one point in the sermon the pastor told a story of a man who went to buy property.  The realtor told him the house on the property needed work, but it would make a good home.  To which the man seeking to buy the property said he was not interested in the house, but the site (my interpretation…the land.)  The pastor then went on to relate how God does not want the house, but the site, which I interpreted as God does not want what I have built, but me.  Move to Sunday afternoon, I happened to turn on a movie just in time to hear the father tell the daughter “you’re the one who’s the writer, you need to write.”  I shut the TV down and booted up my computer!

I have never been a risk taker, not given to riding roller coasters, not an “adrenaline junky” by any stretch of the imagination, however the dreams I dream of my future involve stretching beyond my comfort zone and engaging in activities I consider “risky.”  No, I’m not going sky diving, not quitting my day job, not going off the deep end somewhere; I find those activities a bit ignorant for me.  My definition of risky involves accepting who I am, who God made me to be; not whom others or I think I should be. 

Being able to admit I am a creative writer is very hard for me to do.  I am discovering however it is hard to do what you are called to do when you don’t admit it.  When you are called to do a task, you need to commit to it, practice it, work at it, be disciplined; I am not naturally inclined that way.  But as evidenced by the greater number of posts to this blog I am starting to work at it more.  My dream for the future would be to sit on the porch of my home overlooking the ocean (Lubec in the summer, some where in the Caribbean in the winter) with a laptop or guitar and beverage of choice engaging in creative writing activities.  The older I get, the stronger this dream calls.

I called this post “breaking up fallow ground” because just as a farmer takes a plow to the earth in the spring, so God has once again taken HIS plow to my field, disrupting my dormancy, preparing the ground to receive seed and produce fruit for HIS kingdom.  One other thought in this vein.  Any profitable farmer will tell you it is important to let a field lay dormant for a period of time and also rotate the crops.  I recognize the field that God is currently plowing is having a different seed sown into it and the fruit will be better and stronger.

I leave you with a similar challenge, are you who you were made to be or are you trying to be some one else?  Some one you feel is better than who you are?  As for the house and the site, God is not interested in the house I have built HE just wants the property.

Thoughts about Easter 2012

I had a wonderful Easter holiday weekend this year.  On Friday night I attended a Tennebrae service and then on Sunday attended an Easter breakfast and service with my best friend.  As I talked with my friend about Easter and Easter celebrations a couple of random thoughts flitted through my mind.  Well, the flitting birds will come and nest here for now.

First thought, a bit more spiritual than the second is, Easter is a remembrance of three gardens.  I heard at Easter service about how the power of sin began in a garden (Eden) and ended in a garden (the resurrection.) But as I pondered this thought further I saw a third garden come into play, the garden of Gethsemane. I began to think of the three gardens like this – Eden/Tragedy; Gethsemane/Turmoil; and Garden Tomb/Triumph.  I also like how when you juxtapose these three you see Eden ends at sunset, Gethsemane takes place in the dark, and the Garden Tomb begins at Sunrise.  I know there is much more to be gained from the study of the gardens, but for today I’ll leave this as is.

My second thought about Easter is un-deniably strange, I’m just warning you.  Why is it on the two most significant Christian holidays (Christmas and Easter) during which time we celebrate the birth, death and resurrection of the “King of the Jews” do we eat PORK???  I began to wonder this as I was filling my Easter Breakfast plate with sausage and bacon.  I returned to the question as I was eating bacon wrapped asparagus for lunch, and once again in the evening talking with my mother about her Easter Ham dinner.  I know some families (here and abroad) eat Lamb, which makes a bit more sense to me.  The Passover Seder often has chicken or lamb as its main course, so why is ham the choice of many Americans?  See, I told you this was strange.  But this contradiction spurred one other thought.  U.S. History tells me, Benjamin Franklin proposed the Turkey to be the American national bird (not the Bald Eagle.)  I find it interesting that we eat the bird at Thanksgiving, which could have been our National Bird and symbol. 

Maybe I should call this post “Antithesis” since both subjects point out contrasting differences.  I will probably be returning to the garden topic in the future.  As for the food topic, well….I’ll probably stick with family tradition eating Turkey at Thanksgiving and celebrate my Christian freedom from the Jewish law indulging in all forms of pork at Christmas and Easter.  Hope you had a wonderful Easter and always remember, Jesus is the reason for the season – He is risen indeed!

Personal responsibility

While driving to work this morning I was struck with the realization that many of the driver’s around me were driving quite fast for the road conditions.  This thought led me to thinking about how many times I and others abdicate their personal responsibility.  This morning on the highway, the speed limit warning lights were not on, which could led people to believe the highway conditions were fine to go the normal speed (or above.)  My personal opinion was, the roads were not safe to drive 65 on, so I slowed down allowing others to pass me.

In this electronic age where we have alarms and reminders to tell us just about everything we need to know, the tendency to rely on something other than ourselves is a huge temptation.  It is easy for me to “blame” something or someone else for not “reminding” or “prompting” me to action.  This is not to say for time and millennia people have relied on alarm clocks to wake them in the morning, but what I am saying is we have become too reliant upon others making decisions regarding our personal safety.  My parents always taught me to watch out for the other driver when behind the wheel, to pay attention to the side of the road, not just what was directly in front of me.  As people sped past me I thought about how I did not feel safe at the higher speed and did not need a blinking speed limit sign to slow me down, I was taking personal responsibility.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate having alarms, reminders, blinking lights and buzzers warning me of impending danger, but I am making a decision to not abdicate my personal responsibility to taking care of myself.  Over the past few years I have tried to live conscientiously.  Meaning I try to make certain I have made a conscious decision about each of my actions, even if that decision is “I’m not deciding, just doing as I feel.”  By living in this manner, I cannot blame anyone but myself for most of life situations.  If I remain overweight, then it is a result of a conscious decision to not eat well or exercise.  If I choose to blow my money on “wishful” things leaving me short for necessities, then such is my fate.

I guess what this boils down to for me, is once again living life with purpose.  Notice I did not say living life with “A Purpose,” but rather “with purpose” or “on purpose.”  I see a difference, subtle though it may be.  I want to be able to take the twists and turns I encounter with a sense of joy and perseverance, but not be so purpose driven I miss the fun offered on a short detour.  If I detour or caused to be detoured, I want to do this with my eyes wide open and my brain engaged.  I want to be conscious of my surroundings and take responsibility for myself, even when subjected to situations caused by others; I still have control of my reactions.

As always, this and $2.50 will get you whatever you want, that is if you choose to spend the money!

Deserving

I came to the conclusion many years ago there is no such thing as a mistake when it comes to humans.  Humans make mistakes, plenty of them, but when it comes to a human being, no being is a mistake.  Regardless of how inauspicious our creation and beginning in this world, no one has been or ever will be a mistake.

Family Genealogy is one of my favorite past times.  I love listening to my mother tell of her life, I enjoy looking at old pictures from my grandmother’s scrapbook.  I have researched back many generations on both my mother and father’s sides.  When I look at my “pedigree” chart, my uniqueness in the universe is confirmed.  There is only one of me (many are happy about that,) and there will ever only be one of me.  Decisions were made over the past hundreds and thousands of years, which led to the specific moment in time I was conceived.  I would not have been me if any one of the previous combinations changed.

The “what ifs” come to play in this picture; what if my grandfather Scott did not go to Worcester, did not take the job at the Press Steel, never met my grandmother?  What if my great, great grandfather was not hurt in the war in Austria, and did not come to America with his family for treatment?  What if my great, great, great grandfather (father’s side) stayed in London, England, never traveled to New York; never met his wife from County Cork, Ireland, who also traveled to New York?  You can see how a person’s uniqueness can unravel with the change of one decision.

There are so many other life-altering decisions this applies to, but this is not what my focus is.  The title of this post is “deserving.”  I am not trying to build a case of me being “deserving” of anything special, but rather I wish to assert all are deserving of respect and honor, regardless of status in life, due simply to being the only one of their kind.  Each person has a part to play in history, a part, which cannot be played by another.  Each person deserves a smile, a glance, encouragement and support, a thank you or you’re welcome, a hello, just because.  I like to acknowledge birthdays by telling people how much I appreciate the fact they were born.  By their very existence, my world and in many cases I have been changed by who they are.

As I celebrate another year of life, I can only hope I make a positive difference in other’s lives.  I also wish to “tip my hat” in thanks to my ancestors, who made some “right” decisions about who to have children with.

Commitment - 7/17/11

I read this last night when digging around in my archives, notice the date.  I decided this was pretty appropriate to post now since this encompasses my goals for 2012. Hope you enjoy!

Commitment:

I feel the need to write again if for no other reason than to chastise myself for a lack of commitment.  For my entire life (so it seems) I have had a vision for what I would like to do.  I have been drawn to be creative in writing music and in writing short stories or blogs as they are called now.  I have sought and desired to live a life that was consumed with the creative arts, but in this process have had to “make a living.”  There are plenty of people out there who pursue their passions while still making a living and I have come to the conclusion (many years ago) that what I lack, what makes the difference between them and me is commitment.  I am plagued with two deadly traits, one is perfectionism, which often stops me before I even start and the second is “if it don’t come easy I give up.” 

Sacrifice would be another word that would come to mind while pondering this subject.  People who are driven in a certain direction often sacrifice their own personal immediate gratification for a greater satisfaction in the future.  This concept speaks to me of the Christian life, sacrificing immediate gratification for the greater satisfaction in the future that which is just out of sight of our current situation. 

In Philippians, Paul tells the church to press toward the goal as a runner in a race.  Athletes make a commitment to their sport.  They train their bodies and minds in preparation for the race.  They run daily, they practice, they sacrifice, they make a commitment to a future glory, and take pleasure in the work they do now.  This is where I fall short, I do not work daily at my passion, I do not sacrifice for it; I don’t break a sweat over it that is not good.  I am disgusted with my lack of drive and false thought that it’s okay to do something when the mood strikes.  I know that in order for me to ultimately do what I want to do with my life; I need to make some commitments, which means sacrifice of my immediate comfort.

I have fought against discipline for years, not the punitive meaning of discipline for that comes regardless, but again the discipline of daily routine and practice of things that don’t come easy.  I need to be “up and doing” as Longfellow writes in “A Psalm of Life” “act in the Living present, Heart within, and God o’erhead.”

As I prepare for an upcoming concert, I need to train as an athlete.  I need to commitment myself to that preparation and to also focus on the other creative areas of my life.  It is time for me to make some sacrifices and work, train and practice my art.

“Winter blahs, a whining Mainer”

I have come to better understand the phrase “the winter of my discontent.”  As I stumbled on the ice with an old yogurt container of sand in one hand, mail in the other (I was returning from getting my mail,) I decided this blog might end up being a whine session.  So, if you would like to get some cheese and crackers to go along with my whine before proceeding, please feel free. 

I am tired, tired of being cold, tired of expending great amounts of energy to complete the simplest of tasks.  Every August, maybe September I get these idealized visions in my head of how wonderful it will be to wear heavier clothing, eat hearty food, curl up under blankets and read a book.  Lest you think I just dream of indoor activities I promise myself, every fall, I will snow shoe or learn to snowboard; I will make the most of this “wonderful” season.  But, here I sit and reality is I am tired! All I want to do is hibernate like bats and bears, curled up sleeping in nice dens, eating off the fat I put on over the holidays!  But I cannot do that, I must go to work, I must pay the bills, I must go out in the snow to walk the dog and get the mail.

Oh, the dog…yes well he gets very excited when the snow arrives (at least one of us does!) However, now it is the dead of winter, he goes out, does his business and comes right back in, so much for him being part Newfoundland!

I have felt recently like I am fighting everything. Fighting to get my clothes on, fighting to open jars, fighting with the blankets on my bed, urf.  I have taken to singing my discontent, I sing at drivers, I sing at inanimate objects in my way.  Whine, whine, whine this is what I am doing at the moment.  I know I have chosen to live in Maine; I have often said I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else for I love the change of seasons and the north Atlantic, but here in this moment I would be willing for a week of warm, white sand and aquamarine colored ocean.

As always I am pulled back to reality by the thought of my mother who grew up in Downeast Maine during the 30’s.  She tells me of waking up in the morning and having snow on floor of her bedroom due to the windows being loose and the wind blowing the snow in.  She had to walk to school; rarely having snow days and heated her soup over a wood stove in the corner of the schoolroom.  My grandmother used to go out to for water and had to chop the ice in the well before drawing.

Life was considerably harder during those years, but maybe all things are relative.  I try to talk myself into believing I come from hearty stock and should not whine like I do.  Maybe I am soft, yeah, I am soft; I have a furnace, running water, hot even.  I have a stove to heat food on and a car to drive to work with.  I am trying to be “radically thankful” (see former blog.)  More than that I am trying to motivate myself into action, I am writing this blog, I made interesting food to eat tonight.  Maybe I am not so discontented now that I let my whine out on paper.  Thanks for reading my whine, hope your cheese and crackers were good.