I feel the need to write again if for no other reason than to chastise myself for a lack of commitment. For my entire life (so it seems) I have had a vision for what I would like to do. I have been drawn to be creative in writing music and in writing short stories or blogs as they are called now. I have sought and desired to live a life that was consumed with the creative arts, but in this process have had to “make a living.” There are plenty of people out there who pursue their passions while still making a living and I have come to the conclusion (many years ago) that what I lack, what makes the difference between them and me is commitment. I am plagued with two deadly traits, one is perfectionism, which often stops me before I even start and the second is “if it don’t come easy I give up.”
Sacrifice would be another word that would come to mind while pondering this subject. People who are driven in a certain direction often sacrifice their own personal immediate gratification for a greater satisfaction in the future. This concept speaks to me of the Christian life, sacrificing immediate gratification for the greater satisfaction in the future that which is just out of sight of our current situation.
In Philippians, Paul tells the church to press toward the goal as a runner in a race. Athletes make a commitment to their sport. They train their bodies and minds in preparation for the race. They run daily, they practice, they sacrifice, they make a commitment to a future glory, and take pleasure in the work they do now. This is where I fall short, I do not work daily at my passion, I do not sacrifice for it; I don’t break a sweat over it that is not good. I am disgusted with my lack of drive and false thought that it’s okay to do something when the mood strikes. I know that in order for me to ultimately do what I want to do with my life; I need to make some commitments, which means sacrifice of my immediate comfort.
I have fought against discipline for years, not the punitive meaning of discipline for that comes regardless, but again the discipline of daily routine and practice of things that don’t come easy. I need to be “up and doing” as Longfellow writes in “A Psalm of Life” “act in the Living present, Heart within, and God o’erhead.”
As I prepare for an upcoming concert, I need to train as an athlete. I need to commitment myself to that preparation and to also focus on the other creative areas of my life. It is time for me to make some sacrifices and work, train and practice my art.