Thursday, March 6, 2014

The hopes and fears...

I awoke this morning to my basement being very, very cold as the downstairs door had been ajar for most of the below zero night. Once again I started my morning in a state of rage; rage born of fear. I have developed a very keen sense of danger almost to the point of compulsive. I am fearful of driving in bad weather, fearful of not having enough money to buy food or oil or gas for my car (which is how I get to work.)  Right now my hot water isn't working right. It hasn't been right since the house froze at Christmas, I fear I have to find someone to assist me in fixing it, which means spending money I  may not have.

I have often found GOD speaks to me through song, preparing me for a lesson. I get an idea for a song, start writing it, even finish it, thinking it was for someone else only to figure out it was for me.  This past advent season, the Christmas carol “Oh little town of Bethlehem” caught my attention, specifically the last stanza of the first verse “…. the hopes and fears of all the years, are met in Thee tonight.” While starting to write a song, I had the sense (at the beginning of December, mind you) GOD wanted me to learn what that line meant. And as I sat in my literally freezing house on Christmas day, all that would come to me was “the fears of all the years are met in Thee.”

It is a well documented fact that the most debilitating mental health issue in America today is Depression, with Anxiety disorders along side it. Anyone who bought stock in the pharmaceutical industry, specifically those companies who manufacture anti-depressant & anti-anxiety medications have done well for themselves financially. I’m not “down” on medication, sometimes life is better lived through chemistry. My point is our advanced, first-world, industrialized society has some unresolved emotional issues; most of which stems from fear. Fear of failing to attain our hopes.

I decided in celebration of the Lenten season to make a commitment to devote my attention solidly on a person when I am speaking with them, foregoing the temptation to look at my phone, computer or TV while talking with them. In my opinion, we are so driven as a society to do more in less time, we are driving ourselves to exhaustion; physically, mentally and emotionally (body, mind and spirit), attempting to “multi-task.”  As was evident from my previous post, I have been without inspiration for a few months. Life has “taken it out of me” so to speak, I've been plagued with doubts; given to moments of intense fear, I have felt the pressure to do more with less time and resources; fearing I would fail in this venture.  I have divided my attention in so many directions for so long, trying to keep all the balls in the air; I fear I have dropped one. As I come out of the icy mist of the winter of my discontent, I will add another item to give up for Lent: fear. I will seek to ignore the distractions and devote my attention solidly on Christ, in whom “…the hopes and fears of all the years are met ….”

No comments:

Post a Comment